i want actions, not words. if you’re truly sorry then show it.
if catholicism/christianity is fake… mary really was in that for the long haul. she pulled the longest con in existence & even got her kid in on it
mary’s friend gabriel who knocked her up: you told joseph i was a what now?
mary, taking a sip of her coffee: an angel, gabe. try to keep up.
joseph: what the hell, you’re pregnant?
mary, about to invent christianity: oh? you haven’t heard?
(via lubricates)
*hurriedly trying to shove my intestines back into my body* i cant show up like this! im gonna be late!
(Source: 1000soffreecursors, via fuckyahumor)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
- Kylo Ren: I could teach you the ways of the dark side
- Rey: I'll teach you the ways of my foot in your ass
The real Powerball was the friends we made along the way
(via fuckyahumor)
how to become a mother
1) go outside
2) find pigeon
3) grab
4) congratulation
(via lubricates)